Please join me in wishing our dear Diane vonAustinburg congratulations. The old thing is slipping the leash of employment and retiring, I think on Friday. I am not sure about the specific date because whenever I would ask her for it, she would airily reply “Just 17 more days” as if I was going to get out my fucking calculator and calendar and astrolabe and figure that out. Obviously, Diane has not caught on to the “not working” part of not working. Instead, I’m just going with wildly guessing, a technique which led to my flunking algebra in the 9th grade.
I couldn’t decide what to get her as a gift, so I fell back on the tried and true method of just springing for something that I would want myself
On a recent morning, I was lying in the dark, about three quarters asleep and looking forward ot closing in on the last quarter, when some damn Evil and Adorable cat busted into the room and commenced squalling in a really unnecessarily strident manner. Ugh. I got up, berating him the whole time, which always helps so very much, only to find his food bowl full and no ravening jackals at the door, as his manner seemed to imply.
He and I stared at each other across the living room with him maintaining his air of demanding to see the manager. It dawned on me we had gone through this same not very amusing show a few times earlier this summer and it was always on a foggy morning. That’s when I realized the little shit was incensed that his sunshine was missing and insisting that I replace at once.
He wanted me to fix the fog. Dick.
Also, a pat on my own back. Completely undeserved of course. I have been honing my skills at procrastinating (which were already very impressive.) by ignoring a small spate of tasks and paperwork that had been pitifully calling out for my attention for the last 3 months. I would occasionally look at them and then go have a cookie. But this afternoon, I suddenly turned my laserlike focus on those bad boys and dealt with a tax bill, an insurance question, and a scheduling conflict. Woo hoo! To reward myself:
Lastly, one last cute guy. Cause you can never have too much.