JOE * to * HELL (whom I used to be charmed by, but now I see him for the low schemer he truly is. JUST KIDDING) has tagged me. I’ve seen this in other blogs, where the blogger is forwarded a list of questions to answer and that they then send on. It’s the chain letter of the internet. This particular tag has a real range of questions, some interesting, most apparently dreamed up by Sister Evangeline’s seventh grade class at the State School for the Terminally Insipid. “Did you ever run a red light?” Oh my, how daring. That said, I answered them all, like the good sport I am. You should go see Joe’s as well. His answers were more interesting than mine, even though I am almost certainly a more interesting person. And a better dancer. He was probably lying, the big liar.
Anyway, the tag, with it’s fascinating insights into little me:
1. Taken a picture completely naked? of course. How else do you make friends on Craigslist?
2. Made out with a friend on your MySpace/Facebook page? the fact that the original writer assumes everyone has a MySpace page is telling. I do not have one.
3. Danced in front of your mirror naked? yes, and then looked around for a mirror with better lighting
4. Told a lie? No. Absolutely not. Never. Not once.
5. Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? only a few hundred times.
6. Been arrested? yes, and it was a sordid affair, fortunately dismissed and expunged.
7. Made out with someone of the same sex? gimme back my tongue.
8. Seen someone die? My little brother and R Man’s mother. You know, this is really not a great
question to include in something like this.
9. Slept in until 5pm? Of course. I used to work evenings
10. Had sex at work? If you had seen the people I’ve worked with, you’d understand why this makes me shudder while I say, firmly, NO
11. Fallen asleep at work/school? I’m pretty sure not.
12. Held a snake? a trouser snake
13. Ran a red light? am I driving?
14. Been suspended from school? the University of Texas, for being such a wastrel.
15. Totaled your car in an accident? close, but no.
16. Pole danced? close, but no.
17. Smoked? ick. no
18. Been fired from a job? o yeah. I had several disposable jobs.
19. Sang karaoke? the world should thank me that I haven’t
20. Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? who hasn’t?
21. Laughed until a drink came out your nose? If I did, I was too drunk to remember it now.
22. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? get real. I grew up on the Gulf Coast and never even saw snow until I was an adult.
23. Kissed in the rain? was this written by some sad fifteen year old fat girl?
24. Sang in the shower? My favorite big number is “I Can See Clearly Now”
25. Given your private parts a nickname? Yes. I call it “dick”
26. Ever gone out without underwear? For years.
27. Sat on a roof top? My favorite place when I was a morose teenager.
28. Played chicken? no
29. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No, I was always the pusher.
30. Broken a bone? My little toe. I fell down some stairs at a the tubs in Seattle, naked, in front of a room full of queers I was hoping to hump.
31. Mooned/flashed someone? Certainly not
32. Shaved your head? no
33. Slept naked? Every night since I was about fourteen.
34. Played a prank on someone? sure.
35. Had a gym membership? I’m really getting bored with this.
36. Felt like killing someone? whoever wrote these stupid questions.
37. Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? You obviously don’t know my boyfriend.
38. Cried over someone you were in love with? I don’t cry
39. Had sex more than 10 times in one day? A few times. It was called “Mardi Gras”.
40. Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? The signpost for Stupid was about ten questions back. We are now entering Idiocy.
41. Been in a band? The Robert E. Lee High School band. I played tuba, badly.
42. Subscribed to Maxim? as notorious J*O*E said “who wrote this shit?”
43. Taken more than 10 shots of alcohol? Yes. When I drank, I was a serious drinker.
44. Shot a gun? no
45. Had sex today? no, sorry.
46. Played strip poker? no
47. Tripped on mushrooms? yes
48. Donated Blood? yes, it’s how I made money in college.
49. Video taped yourself having sex? no, I was too busy FUCKING.
50. Eaten alligator meat? probably. In gumbo. It’s the kind of thing that turns up in New Orleans at things like Jazz Fest a lot.
51. Ever jump out of an airplane? nope
52. Have you been to more than 10 countries? only five.
53. Ever wanted to have sex with a platonic friend? Maybe you don’t understand the definition of “platonic.”
Notorious J*O*E’s additional questions:
Have you ever dressed in drag? Photo attached. I am one ugly tranny.
If you could be one celebrity for a week, who would it be? Daniel Craig. I’d love to see what it’s like to be so pretty.