R Man’s work exposes him to the many wonders of nursing home life, insights about which he passes on to me, including tips about Wander Guards. Here’s what the Azalea Trail Nursing Home in Grand Saline, Texas has to say about them
“Residents who are still very mobile and at risk of wandering out of the facility alone, but who would not be safe if they did so, wear a lightweight signaling device on their wrist or ankle. Whenever one of the residents is about to leave the facility, the staff is notified by an audible sound and thus able to assist the person.”
I have heard before that the Inuit people put their old folks out on ice floes once they can no longer pull their weight around the igloo and I think I might just prefer that to setting off alarms at the Azalea Trail as I try to sneak out.
And this is not mere flippancy. My family tends towards either dying early of white trash type diseases (which I seem to have avoided) or being long lived and crazy. Oh dear. My goal is to emulate my great-aunt Lucille. A gold digger in her youth, she snagged a much older rich guy, had no kids, and spent most of her adult life comfortably as a rich widow. I don’t particularly want any of that, I’m not interested in trading R Man for a widowhood, no matter how comfortable, but at the end she lapsed into cheerful insanity, in merry good spirits and totally oblivious to the world around her. That’s the part I want. I don’t care if I’m crazy, I just don’t want to know about it.