Combover Guy

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I saw him again, Combover Guy. I don’t know his real name, but really, does he need one? Surely everyone refers to him by that; it’s possible his drivers license reads “Combover Guy.” I want to be clear about this, I am steadily going bald. My hair is not receding so much as retreating, having long since surrendered to my forehead. And imagine my surprise in a threeway mirror a few years ago, to discover my hair is sneaking out in the back, too. Soon, the bald spots will join hands (figuratively) across my pate. Until then, I keep my hair shorty short short just so I cannot be accused of being Combover Guy.

His ‘do is a masterpiece of artifice much like topiaries are to gardening. There is no part in it, the wisps swoop up and back and forward and side to side and every which way to finally gather at the crown in a sort of modified Gibson girl thang.

And how does he give directions to his stylist? (No mere barber could accomplish this. More of a partner in crime than anything else.) Does he plop down in the chair and announce “… and then I want this section to pivot back at 90 degrees to cover the right front quadrant?” I probably don’t want to know.

If I could ever find out his email (info@comboverguy.com?) I would email him “Put your hair out of its misery!!!!!! Cut it all off now!!!!!!! Maybe grow a beard!!!!” Multiple exclamation points are important, otherwise he wouldn’t know how serious the situation was, but really it would be an act of charity and love.

About mrpeenee

A former bon vivant and terror of a number of New Orleans bars in the mad, gay 1980s, I'm now quietly retired and widowed in San Francisco. I have a crooked nose due to an unfortunate Frisbee accident.

7 responses »

  1. The only thing as painful as Comb-over guy is his partner in patheticness, Miss I look 35 from behind so maybe you won’t notice that may face (even under all that pancake makeup) is 75. I often see them both buying the magnum bottles of vodka at the check out line.

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  2. The comb over is so out of style these days. Whenever I see one I just want to scalp ‘em and head to the Asian Wig Mart for some extra cash. I usually save that fate for the Pentecostal girls.

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  3. what is worse than the combover guy? the combover girl. there is a woman @ my job who has almost no hair on the top of her head; just the sides. she tries to do a donald trump combover, but it doesn’t quite work.whenever i see her, i always feel like i should say something, but i wouldn’t know where to begin.

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  4. Yikes. If you're a man & this is happening, follow the excellent example of Mr. Peenee & go super short. Mr. J is the same way. But for the ladies- let's face it- plenty of folks still think hair is a woman's crowning glory. That's gotta be awful.Miss Janey is glad her hair is fierce.

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  5. You had me at “modified Gibson girl.” So very descriptive; love that!My hair began thinning the morning after my 50th birthday bash. It was if some inner switch turned on: <>“He’s fifty; begin the hair loss.”<>

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