T-Day Minus One and Counting

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Three years ago, we hosted twelve people for Thanksgiving dinner. Much beloved, one and all, but dear god, what a butt load of work. We had to have an overflow table; in order to not make sure no one felt second best seated there, I made up place cards consisting of photos of famous (or infamous) women (or sort-of women,) had people draw names, and then match their draws with the pictures. It was a supremely Martha Stewart moment, even if I did have to explain who some of the gals were. My favorite was Zsa Zsa Gabor’s mug shot from when she slapped that cop, but I was plenty happy with drawing Divine.

Thank the goddess for Diane von Austinberg who was such a tremendous help in cooking, but I still turned into the Kitchen Nazi once again, barking orders and withering comments on my guests’ attempts at prep work. “GO. Drink on the goddam patio and get out of my fucking kitchen,” tends to be my byword in these situations. I had spread sheets breaking down the whole thing into 15 minute increments for three days. R Man and those other unfortunates who get in my way think that because I am a flipped out, shrieking queen, I am not enjoying myself. Nothing could be further from the truth. I revel in the challenge and I triumph, bitches. Triumph. As I tuck into my version of my granny’s cornbread dressing, I think “Yes, I did it. I am invincible.”

Drugs help.

This year, swinging to the complete polar opposite, we will be joining two of our friends at the Hotel W for a massive lunch and then we will come home for a nap. I plan on reveling in that, too.

9 responses »

  1. Aren’t people who don’t get the whole kitchen-tyrant thing <>tiresome<>? They don’t realize that in our shrieking, cutting frenzy we are reveling in being at the center of it all. And in the prospect of recreating that perfect dish (I make a mean shrimp mousse, from great-grandmother Muscato’s recipe).Have a lovely lunch; we’re going to friends, in order to be shooed out of <>their<> kitchen. We’re bringing Champagne.

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  2. Unfortunately, being a mom, I don’t get to scream “Get out of the fucking kitchen and have a drink!” to the kids, much as I’d like to. The little ones were milling around wanting to “help,” and it was all I could do to not smack them with the cast iron frying pan as I shooed them out.

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