Oh, mein little poodles, I am so glad we communicate through the internet; even that may not protect you. I whipped up a batch of hummus tonight – tasty, tasty, tasty, but I’m afraid I might have gone a wee bit long on the garlics. I ate a tangerine and brushed my teeth twice, I am a very small step from using Clorox as a mouthwash, and yet the paint on the wall in front of me as I type this is cracking and peeling. When I exhale, people on the far side of Oakland probably faint. If I expire tonight in my sleep, I’m sure it will be from Extreme Stinkiness. All I ask is that I be buried at sea and not in some hazardous waste dump.
If only my Breath of Death had been with me this afternoon. I had to speak to a group of students from a very down market vocational school about starting one’s own business. Ugh. Even by the most charitable standards these kids were unimpressive; that’s why I could have used my super wall o’ garlic, maybe I wouldn’t have had to smell them. As they were leaving, one of them assured the teacher he’d see him on Monday “If I’m not sentenced tomorrow.” Hold on to that dream, sweetie, that’s what I say.