Oh chiclets, I’m sure from time to time you ask yourselves “What of Kallipygos?” Worry no more, my impertinent ladyboys, because mrpeenee™ is here to explain Kallipygos is of ancient Greek origin meaning “Beautifully Buttocked.” Or in the vulgate, “Baby Got Back.”
“Well, duh,” goes up the cry of the legion of excessively educated mrpeenee™ fans. “Obviously that’s what it means. Everyone knows that. But where does it come from? Whence, baby, whence?”
I was just getting there, if you could just keep grasp of your knickers. Setting aside the question of whether buttocked is actually a verb (apparently it was in ancient Greece. Is there any surprise there?) our good friends at Wikipedia supply us with this charming origin tale:
“The people of those days were so attached to their sensual pleasures that they even went so far as to dedicate a temple to Aphrodite of the Beautiful Buttocks, for the following reason. Once upon a time a farmer had two beautiful daughters. One day these girls, getting into a dispute as to which one had a more beautiful backside, went out onto the public street. And by chance a young man was passing by, the son of a rich old man. They showed themselves to him, and when he saw them he voted in favor of the older girl. And in fact, falling in love with her, when he got back to town, he took to his bed and told his younger brother everything that had happened. And the younger brother also went to the country and saw the girls, and he fell in love with the other daughter. And so when the boys’ father tried to get them to marry someone of the upper classes, he couldn’t persuade his sons, and so he brought the girls in from the country, with their father’s permission, and married them to his sons. And so these girls were called fair-buttocked by the citizens, as Cercidas of Megalopolis says in his Iambic Verses: “There was a pair of beautiful-buttocked girls in Syracuse.” And so these girls, when they got wealthy and famous, founded a temple of Aphrodite and called the goddess the Fair-buttocked, as Archelaus of Chersonesus tells us in his Iambic Verses.”
Isn’t that the most charming thing you’ve heard today? No? Well, in that case, you have much too colorful a life. Personally, I think the world would be a better place if young ladies were still to indulge in spontaneous, public ass contests. I imagine the scene as two chicas hanging out, arguing so hard about who has the best buttchops that they have to accost a perfect stranger for his opinion.
First Girl: Yo, buddy, help a sister out. Tell us who has the best ass.
Passing gentleman: I beg your pardon?
Second Girl: Just take a look and tell us which booty you like best. Get a load of this: firm, high and round. Looks like the moon made out of candy.
First Girl: Yeah, it’s not bad, but I got a rump cleft that makes men weep.
Passing gentleman: I’m not sure…. Maybe if I fondled them vigorously and simultaneously….
First Girl: Well make it snappy, we got goats to milk.
Passing Gentleman: Hmm, I think I’m going to have to go to my tongueometer.
Face it, the world is a lesser place since the passing of the ancient Greeks. Even Gerald Butler all tarted up as a Spartan love dog in that 300 movie although finer than fine, was not enough to make up for the death of Ass Olympics.