Did you guys know one of the English princes (not the redhead, the other one) is getting married on Friday?
I will cop to being apparently the only gay man in America not wet over the royal wedding, but it all seems so, so bloated. A fairy tale? No. A fairy tale is when a naked Daniel Craig brings over an equally naked brazilian soccer team to my house with drugs and Lil Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls. This is just a couple of really rich people getting married.
They seem like blandly inoffensive (if not terribly bright) people, but so what? Kate whatshername is so standard issue lovely she could be from an open casting call for “Princess (white)” and Prince William may have been fairly cute early on,
but he went to seed way too early.
Of course, there is Prince Harry
and you know how fond I am of gingers, plus he seems to sensibly be following the classic royal route of dressing up in fancy uniforms and getting loaded as much as possible, so, right on Harry.
And Diana…. Girl blows the sweetest gig EVER: just show up and wear fancy clothes and the blingest bling possible, pop a couple of puppies out and be set for life, but no, she wanted us to feel her pain. Here’s your pain: you’re an idiot. Also, I didn’t like her wedding dress. All fussy and overblown and vaguely Victorian, she might as well have been wearing a tea cart.
So as a protest gesture, I plan on ignoring the whole thing tomorrow and watching porn. I’m going to try to tune into British smut, but you know, much like British snacks, that seems pretty unlikely.