Royals

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Did you guys know one of the English princes (not the redhead, the other one) is getting married on Friday?
I will cop to being apparently the only gay man in America not wet over the royal wedding, but it all seems so, so bloated. A fairy tale? No. A fairy tale is when a naked Daniel Craig brings over an equally naked brazilian soccer team to my house with drugs and Lil Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls. This is just a couple of really rich people getting married.
They seem like blandly inoffensive (if not terribly bright) people, but so what? Kate whatshername is so standard issue lovely she could be from an open casting call for “Princess (white)” and Prince William may have been fairly cute early on,

but he went to seed way too early.

Of course, there is Prince Harry

and you know how fond I am of gingers, plus he seems to sensibly be following the classic royal route of dressing up in fancy uniforms and getting loaded as much as possible, so, right on Harry.

And Diana…. Girl blows the sweetest gig EVER: just show up and wear fancy clothes and the blingest bling possible, pop a couple of puppies out and be set for life, but no, she wanted us to feel her pain. Here’s your pain: you’re an idiot. Also, I didn’t like her wedding dress. All fussy and overblown and vaguely Victorian, she might as well have been wearing a tea cart.
So as a protest gesture, I plan on ignoring the whole thing tomorrow and watching porn. I’m going to try to tune into British smut, but you know, much like British snacks, that seems pretty unlikely.

About mrpeenee

A former bon vivant and terror of a number of New Orleans bars in the mad, gay 1980s, I'm now quietly retired and widowed in San Francisco. I have a crooked nose due to an unfortunate Frisbee accident.

17 responses »

  1. My dream party would be Daniel Craig and Al Parker and me, all stoned out of gourds in 1975, on a tropical island. With Poppers and lube. And Hostess HoHo's. And losts of fucking and deep manly kisses.

    Ha! As the would say over there, spot on Diana. She had the world by the balls.

    I feel bad for the boys – children should never have to lose a parent that they love and loves them back. But come on – she really did have a good thing, and she only needed to hold onto herself until one of them got married.

    On the other hand, her death was a real wake up call for the whole family.

    And Harry looks JUST like his father, James Hewitt, who was fucking Diana silly at the time Harry was conceived.

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  2. The wedding could have been worse, could have been better.

    Worse: The groom's father making long-winded speeches. Sir Elton or Duran Duran leading the hymns. Prince Harry playing a stupid practical joke on his brother. The Princess Royal serving as Matron of Honor. Corgis seen anywhere.

    Better: Someone snatching Camilla's wig and giving it back to Linda Evans. Papparazzi catching the groom's father or grandfather or both snogging with Snooki. Prince Harry playing a really GOOD practical joke by wearing just a Speedo to the ceremony. Fergie (the duchess) showing up despite lack of an invitation. Fergie (the singer) leading the hymns. Madonna and the cast of Glee singing “Like a Virgin” as the bride and her father walked down the aisle. A few deranged Daleks rolling around the Abbey, goosing random guests.

    So, what porn did you watch?

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  3. My sentiments exactly.

    Perhaps William will befall a mishap and we'll have King Harry. A bit of Henry the VIII and “Off with her head” and Nazi uniforms would put the monarchy back to usual.

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  4. our royals are every bit as rich and crazy as theirs, but i'd still give harry a nibble. of course he would have to sneak a tiara out of grannies' house, but she has plenty.

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  5. Did you see the public camping out in the street to secure themselves a good spot? The fawning bastards!

    William was once a very handsome man, now, sadly he looks like a spoontard. I prefer Harry he's the type to carry a gram or two of cocaine in his back pocket.

    Like

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