So I went crawling back to Comcast. Yes, it’s true. Last April I tossed their sorry ass out, made a bunch of big talk about “I don’t need you, bitch” and now I am back in bed with Satan’s own minion.
And why? Alcide from True Blood, that’s why.
Who could say no to all that? Certainly not me. As fond as I am of porn, I have never seen any smutress who can stack up to Joe Manganiello. His only drawback is his last name, which just took me three cracks to type correctly.
Anyway, I watched it last night. Specifically, the episode where Eric, the big blond Alex Skarsgaard (again with the fucked-up last name. Is that a requirement for this show?) vampire runs off and winds up facing down Alcide. Both of them naked. Plus Alcide growls and flexes his big square man tittties. Could any scene be more thrilling? I’m considering canceling all my porn subscriptions,
I’m also considering watching all future episodes on mute because the fucking dreadful fake Southern accents are so bad they make my teeth hurt. The producers apparently have been watching far too many reruns of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof because everyone on the show sounds like Judith Anderson in that.
There is a wide range of accents in Dixie and while none of them are the gumbo that pours out of True Blood actors’ mouths, what these misguided souls seem to be winding up with is more northern Alabama and Georgia, sort of a faux-Atlanta drawl. Let me tell you, honey chile, the fine folk out of the swamps of southern Louisiana do not sound like they’re looking for Tara. In fact, southern Louisiana doesn’t even sound like northern Louisiana, which is a lot closer to east Texas. And the fake genteel ones of the rich characters is just the worse. They all seem to have watched one too many reruns of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.
So will I continue watching? Of course. I haven’t even mentioned Ryan Whosits, Jason Stack house.