A dear old friend from our misspent college days in Austin appeared here in town and we got together for coffee, then lunch, then drinks and wrapped up with dual manicures. It was the ultimate Ladies Who Lunch sort of experience and quite amusing.
As such things will do, the conversation eventually drifted over to masturbation. Doesn’t it always? A problem with consistently making an idiot of myself is that people don’t know when I’m being serious, so when I announced “I think masturbation is life affirming,” our dear old friend just laughed, but I wasn’t joking. Spanking one’s monkey is pleasure for pleasure’s sake and what could be more life affirming than that? For once, you’re not trying to prove anything to anyone, no one is keeping score, all the crap that keeps you down is momentarily put aside in favor of me, myself and I: my favorite three musketeers. Nothing but you and whatever filth your id feels like dredging up.
Still, word has reached us that some consider the art of self love with distaste. I say if God was against jacking off, why would he provide us with opposable thumbs and porn? Are these people waiting for permission? If so, mrpeenee hereby grants you the right too all the squeeze play you want. So here’s to lightening the load. Go ahead and rub one out right now. Think of this as my christmas present to all of you.