I know it may hard to grasp this from reading these posts, but I am by nature, a blythe spirit. I may hide it behind a scrim of brittle bitterness, but deep inside am of Pollyanna, butterflies and lollipops and adorable kittens. And muscular naked men right around the next corner.
I was surprised these last few days, then, that I was suddenly in the grips of a real depression. I’m old. I have more dead friends than live ones. My eyebrows are falling out. Even here in California, it’s winter. Trump. And R Man is still dead.
Of course, I miss R Man every hour of every day, but it is a pain I’ve become resigned to. This, however was a sadness more pronounced than usual. So cold and dark.
After a fitful sleep I felt much better and I now realize it was the new pain medicine I’d been prescribed and had auditioned for three days. Once the trial was over and I went back to vicodin until I could get a regular prescription of the new one, whammo the black dog of depression was waiting for me.
The drug (Nucynta: it’s hip, it’s fresh, it’s fun, it’s funky. It’s today) came with a set of warnings of drug interactions and “don’t drive bulldozers while taking this” and all the usual crap, but in much greater detail (it went on for two pages) and with way too many BOLD FACE CAPS. The one side effect they mentioned that really caught my eye was hallucinations. All right! All hopped up on some strange drug and trippin like a million screaming monkeys. Didn’t happen.
Instead, I got the depression, which is decidedly second place in my book.
Still, the pain reliever part worked fine and this contains neither ibuprofen nor acetaminophen both of which are in Vicodin and both of which were quietly chewing my liver to pieces.
So now it’s off vicodin and on to Nucynta. I miss the vicodin like an old friend. Vicodin carries with it a charming little cloud of euphoria and even after all these years knocking it back, I still felt some of that. Nevertheless, the Nucynta keeps my back from hurting, I’m no longer depressed and I’m back to keeping an eye out for feral pron stars.
It’s a wonderful life.