Weep a Little Weep with Me


I know it may hard to grasp this from reading these posts, but I am by nature, a blythe spirit.  I may hide it behind a scrim of brittle bitterness, but deep inside am of Pollyanna, butterflies and lollipops and adorable kittens.  And muscular naked men right around the next corner.



I was surprised these last few days, then, that I was suddenly in the grips of a real depression.  I’m old.  I have more dead friends than live ones.  My eyebrows are falling out.  Even here in California, it’s winter.  Trump.  And R Man is still dead.

Of course, I miss R Man every hour of every day, but it is a pain I’ve become resigned to.  This, however was a sadness more pronounced than usual.  So cold and dark.

After a fitful sleep I felt much better and I now realize it was the new pain medicine I’d been prescribed and had auditioned for three days.  Once the trial was over and I  went back to vicodin until I could get a regular prescription of the new one, whammo the black dog of depression was waiting for me.

The drug (Nucynta: it’s hip, it’s fresh, it’s fun, it’s funky.  It’s today) came with a set of warnings of drug interactions and “don’t drive bulldozers while taking this” and all the usual crap, but in much greater detail (it went on for two pages) and with way too many BOLD FACE CAPS.  The one side effect they mentioned that really caught my eye was hallucinations.  All right!  All hopped up on some strange drug and trippin like a million screaming monkeys.  Didn’t happen.

Instead, I got the depression, which is decidedly second place in my book.

Still, the pain reliever part worked fine and this contains neither ibuprofen nor acetaminophen  both of which are in Vicodin and both of which were quietly chewing my liver to pieces.

So now it’s off vicodin and on to Nucynta.  I miss the vicodin like an old friend.  Vicodin carries with it a charming little cloud of euphoria and even after all these years knocking it back, I still felt some of that.  Nevertheless, the Nucynta keeps my back from hurting, I’m no longer depressed and I’m back to keeping an eye out for feral pron stars.


It’s a wonderful life.

About mrpeenee

A former bon vivant and terror of a number of New Orleans bars in the mad, gay 1980s, I'm now quietly retired and widowed in San Francisco. I have a crooked nose due to an unfortunate Frisbee accident.

23 responses »

  1. Sadness seems to lurk in the gray days and ruthless darkness of the season. I’m glad the fog lifted and you found your appetite. There’s nothing like a little feral hunger to take the bite out of winter.

    Be well, mrpeenee.


    • O thank you honey, but I have to come clean and admit both the day before and the day after my bout with depression were beautiful, blue, sunny California days. Maybe we San Franciscans have such delicate sensibilities, one afternoon of overcast skies brings on Seasonal Affect Disorder.


  2. I’m glad to hear you better now dear. Especially when I read your looking for feral porn stars again, one of my favorite pastimes. The eyebrows. Just pencil them in like Joan did. I do it all the time, people know you mean business when you approach.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh it’s a long, long while
    from May ’till December
    And the days grow short

    When you reach September.
    When the Autumn weather
    turns the leaves to flame
    One hasn’t got time
    For the waiting game.

    For the days dwindle down
    To a precious few…
    September… November…
    And these few precious days
    I’ll spend with you.
    These precious days
    I’ll spend with you.

    When you meet with the young men
    Early in Spring,
    They court you in song and rhyme.
    They woo you with songs and a clover ring,
    But if you examine the goods they bring,
    They have little to offer but the songs they sing
    And a plentiful waste of time of day…
    And a plentiful waste of time…

    But it’s a long, long while
    from May ’till December
    (pause for instrumental phrase)
    (pause for instrumental phrase)
    When the Autumn weather
    Turns the leaves to flame

    For the days dwindle down
    To a precious few;
    September… November…
    And these few precious days
    I’ll spend with you.
    These precious days
    I’ll spend with you!


  4. When pencilling your eyebrows make sure you make one eyebrow slightly higher than the other, that way when people speak to you, they’ll think you’re being attentive, when really you couldn’t give a shivering shit. When you mentioned ‘Pollyanna, butterflies and lollipops and adorable kittens’ a bit of sick crept up to my throat and now it’s burning.

    Let’s play the glad game.


  5. Oy. I’m with you, sister. This is the perfect season for moping, and I’m indulging to the full. I figure I have until the first week of the New Year to get away with a startled, hurt expression followed by “but… but… my dog died!” as a way to explain any and all situations.

    Also, I may need some more information about that first example of ferality… Yowza!


  6. Hang in there, Mr. P! Remember, Saki loves you (and your ability to open cans)! And be careful — feral pron stars usually aren’t housebroken…


  7. Glad your meds are working for and not against you. Soon they will realize that a cocktail of LSD, ecstacy, shrooms, mescalin and mary jane, cure all ills. On a beauty note, my eyebrows are thinning as well and the ones left are three inches long and need to be braided. Nose and ear hair too.


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