Grocering

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I took time out of my hectic schedule of sleeping and watching ridiculously attractive boys do nasty things on Chaturbate to go to the store and buy soap for the dishwasher.  I wound up staggering back to the car with two bags full of the most random things that might be called groceries ever seen.  $76 worth of chemically processed crap.

When I got home and unloaded my haul I realized it looked like I had gone shopping wearing a blindfold and with a very sketchy idea of how to cook.  A six pack of those cheese crackers filled with peanut butter.  A box of plain water crackers for cheese, only to discover I had the exact same unopened product already at home.  But no cheese.

Let’s see, what else, Doritos.  Somehow I always wins up coming hoe from the grocery with a bag of Doritos.  I think they must hand it to me as I enter and I just don’t notice.  I seem to enter into some kind of fugue state as the doors close behind me, sealing me in with all the other shambling, clueless Safeway shoppers.  I wander the aisles, aimlessly foraging and after a while, I leave, almost always without at least one item I specifically went to buy.

but I got some nice bananas and some nectarines.  We’ll see about them, it takes a few days on the shelf to either ripen into perfection or turn into moldy knobs.

R Man and I used to go to the store each Saturday, armed with lists and sense of purpose and prepare ourselves for the week ahead.  Now I find myself looking over into other shoppers carts to get ideas about what I might want to consume.

At least I got the dishwasher soap.

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nothing to do with groceries, but who’s complaining?

16 responses »

  1. I have been known to come back from a shopping trip in the same bewildered state – bags full of tasty pickles, condiments and sauces, but no actual food… Never mind – no “mouldy knobs” in that picture, so all is right in the world. Jx

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  2. My house rules are to never run out of Cokes, milk, or toilet paper. Everything else is optional. This is how I cope with catatonic shopping befuddlement at the market.

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  3. I make lists, then end up adding about a half-dozen things that weren’t on the list! Sometimes, it’s a reaction to signs saying “Sale”. Other times, it’s totally random — bird seed, mouse traps, and Three Dog Night’s greatest hits have all fallen into my cart. But, I know why you get the Doritos: a.) they’re addictive; and b.) especially to muscle-y young things named Brad or Zack or …!

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  4. I like to think that I’m a very methodical shopper – lists, menu ideas, the whole nine yards. That illusion was shattered this past weekend when I delved into our freezer and realized that it was filled, to capacity, almost entirely with bags of lima beans, which apparently I buy while in some sort of stupor en route to the cashier. We could have succotash ’til Labor Day and hardly make a dent in the damn things.

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    • I’m beginning to suspect some sort of hypnotic beam hidden in the housewares that leaves us all with “catatonic shopping befuddlement” as LX describes it.

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  5. I’m sure, as I stare incomprehensibly at supermarket shelves*, I must have the same gormless look on my face as your young nudist there. Although, I’m not yet at the stage where I forget to dress…

    * Give me a choice of any more than one type of product/item and I too suffer from LẌ’s CSB.

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