I took time out of my hectic schedule of sleeping and watching ridiculously attractive boys do nasty things on Chaturbate to go to the store and buy soap for the dishwasher.  I wound up staggering back to the car with two bags full of the most random things that might be called groceries ever seen.  $76 worth of chemically processed crap.

When I got home and unloaded my haul I realized it looked like I had gone shopping wearing a blindfold and with a very sketchy idea of how to cook.  A six pack of those cheese crackers filled with peanut butter.  A box of plain water crackers for cheese, only to discover I had the exact same unopened product already at home.  But no cheese.

Let’s see, what else, Doritos.  Somehow I always wins up coming hoe from the grocery with a bag of Doritos.  I think they must hand it to me as I enter and I just don’t notice.  I seem to enter into some kind of fugue state as the doors close behind me, sealing me in with all the other shambling, clueless Safeway shoppers.  I wander the aisles, aimlessly foraging and after a while, I leave, almost always without at least one item I specifically went to buy.

but I got some nice bananas and some nectarines.  We’ll see about them, it takes a few days on the shelf to either ripen into perfection or turn into moldy knobs.

R Man and I used to go to the store each Saturday, armed with lists and sense of purpose and prepare ourselves for the week ahead.  Now I find myself looking over into other shoppers carts to get ideas about what I might want to consume.

At least I got the dishwasher soap.


nothing to do with groceries, but who’s complaining?

16 responses »

  1. I have been known to come back from a shopping trip in the same bewildered state – bags full of tasty pickles, condiments and sauces, but no actual food… Never mind – no “mouldy knobs” in that picture, so all is right in the world. Jx


  2. My house rules are to never run out of Cokes, milk, or toilet paper. Everything else is optional. This is how I cope with catatonic shopping befuddlement at the market.


  3. I make lists, then end up adding about a half-dozen things that weren’t on the list! Sometimes, it’s a reaction to signs saying “Sale”. Other times, it’s totally random — bird seed, mouse traps, and Three Dog Night’s greatest hits have all fallen into my cart. But, I know why you get the Doritos: a.) they’re addictive; and b.) especially to muscle-y young things named Brad or Zack or …!


  4. I like to think that I’m a very methodical shopper – lists, menu ideas, the whole nine yards. That illusion was shattered this past weekend when I delved into our freezer and realized that it was filled, to capacity, almost entirely with bags of lima beans, which apparently I buy while in some sort of stupor en route to the cashier. We could have succotash ’til Labor Day and hardly make a dent in the damn things.


    • I’m beginning to suspect some sort of hypnotic beam hidden in the housewares that leaves us all with “catatonic shopping befuddlement” as LX describes it.


  5. I’m sure, as I stare incomprehensibly at supermarket shelves*, I must have the same gormless look on my face as your young nudist there. Although, I’m not yet at the stage where I forget to dress…

    * Give me a choice of any more than one type of product/item and I too suffer from LẌ’s CSB.


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