I Wish I had a Man Around the House


The refrigerator started making an ominous thumping noise a few days ago like the bass line from the trailer for a bad science-fiction movie.  Two days later it was colder outside than in.  Our old plumber had died.  Thats how long we’e lived here, we have outlived our service guys, so I had to find a new one.  I had one in mind like this:


The opening shot of sooooooooooooo many vids.

But he answered the phone with a dense Russian accent,  so I had to adjust my fantasy pipe layer to something more like this:


Yu vant your pipe laid?

He came out and said the freezer drain and gotten plugged and turned the bottom of the freezer into an ice berg.  A thaw, an extra copper wire to heat the drainpipe more effectively. and a couple of hundred bucks.   Do I really have to mention he did not look like any of these Slavic dreamboats?  Amazingly, at least I didn’t have to buy a new refrigerator.

I love my house, but I hate taking care of it.  There is a constant sense that I should be doing more and since my daily schedule is rather relaxed.


I suppose it’s not exactly The Impossible Dream.

So when my tub began draining slowly (and for a boy raised in the swamps to notice means the water is REALLY  leisurely on its exit,) I decided to fix it myself.  It helped my confidence that I had done this before.  The seal is actually a small bucket shaped thingy (wittily called “a bucket.”) that hangs from two brass rods that connect to the back of the plate that holds the little switch.

I got the bucket and wires, took the bathtub drain apart, with a great deal of assistance from the cat, and found out,  naturellement, I had gotten the wrong part.  It’s not the bucket, its the lever the bucker connects to. I hd simply allowed myself to be swayed by the dream that a plumbing device was called a bucket.  On the bright side, the wee little bucket is just the right size for the Barbie Doll Diorama I’m still planning on creating.



14 responses »

  1. I’ve had the same plumber for 18 years. He’s an old friend now. He was just out due to the pipe connecting the toilet tank to the water line popping off. Hearing rushing water got my attention very quickly. Turned the water off, mopped up the water with towels and called him. He was going from one job to another and I was in the middle of the two. He stop by and fixed it. He’s only 48. I’m 69. I hope not to outlive him.


    • I have an entire team of increasingly crotchety men and women I depend on and if any of them have the temerity to die or quit, I’m just going to sell the house and go live under an overpass with a shopping cart. One of the nice big, sturdy ones they use at Home Depot. I like that shade of orange and they’re big enough to curl up in.


      • I’m increasingly in mind of Mother Muscato’s diktat that, come the day, the first morning that she woke up and didn’t feel like making coffee, she was going into assisted living. I’m only just able to keep a minimum level of housekeeping going; actual maintenance always has been and will doubtless remain utterly beyond me.


  2. I’ve been a bored housewife in my time, entertaining myself during the day by sucking off sundry tradesmen, including bin men and window cleaners. If you’re the shy and retiring type like I am “I take it fudgeways” written out with fridge magnet letters would let him know you’re fair game for a bit of slap and tickle.


    • You lucky dog; none of my support team would stir anything in my loins. Although we did have, years and years ago, a gorgeous chimney sweep, but he left the biz. Probably to make porn.


  3. Are those sex toys on the tray over Barbie’s bathtub? The purple one looks like a rabbit vibrator, and the other looks like a butt plug! I always knew Ken had problems getting it up, but she doesn’t have to rub his nose in it!


  4. Looks like Barbie and Ken have bagged themselves a Disney Prince (I don’t know which one as I don’t care enough about Disney’s rip-offs), but I can’t tell whether that look on his face is a subtle cry for help, or that he’s eyeing up your adjusted fantasy pipe-layer?


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