The Ice Man Cometh

I have always been skinny, but when R Man died, I sort of let things get out of hand and lost 10 or 15 pounds which put me in Gaunt territory.  My doctor has been haranguing me to gain weight ever since.  I think he just does it out of habit now.   And I have.  In fact at this last check up, I weighed more than I ever have, 187 pounds.  Doctor Man still thinks I need more.  Some people are never satisfied.

I asked him about joining the meal delivery program I had volunteered at for years.  I figured they owed me.  The good doctor said “Ugh, you don’t want that.”  Instead he suggested Ice Age Foods, which he has been using for a while.  As its name suggests, it is based on the ever so hip Paleo Diet.  I explained I do not do “hip.”  But he said it was good and good for you, low fat, high protein, blahblahblah.

Since I am above all things else, lazy, I figured a company that brings me food couldn’t be all bad so I sprang for a month’s trial.  And honestly, it’s not bad.  The odd part is that everything tastes like tacos.  Since I love tacos that’s not a problem, but it does seem like an unlikely niche to plant your recipes in.

So far I’ve had Lasagne Tacos, Pork Stew with Meatballs Tacos, Tri Tip with Yams Tacos, and Lemon Pepper Chicken Tacos, which by far were the worst.  I have never put a food product in my mouth that was as tough as the chicken.  I gnawed on it for a while and finally spit it out and it looked exactly like it had when I put in.  Plus, lots of odd little bones, possibly not even chicken.  So really it was Tough Weird Meat and Bones Taco.

Digging around on their website, I ran across this gem under the headline:

What’s with the Mexican Influence at Ice Age Meals?

So apparently I’m not the only whose noticed the taco theme.  Their answer:

most of the culinary ninjas in our kitchen hail from Mexico, Central and South America.

OK, glad you’re paying attention to their culinary background, but you do know most restaurant kitchens run on hispanic labor and they’re able to crank out French, Italian, Thai, Lesbian, whatever just fine.  Also, I want it clearly understood that had i known this company referred to their prep and line cooks and chefs as “culinary ninjas” I would have never gotten beyond that and moved on to some less ridiculous web page.  Possibly featuring naked men.

not a taco

Since everything tastes like tacos, and since I am determined to undermine the whole “paleo” thing, I have taken to adding ground cheese to the dish and then wrapping it in tortillas.  When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.  When everything tastes like a taco, I don’t know, I seem to have lost the metaphor, but tortillas improve the dishes dramatically.

So, am I going to become a loyal customer?  Hmmmm, maybe.  After all, I love tacos.  On the other hand, I really would like lasagne that tastes like, I don’t know, lasagne.  I think the real test is coming up: Thai Meatball Curry.  I adore curry, but honey, Curry Tacos is where I draw the line.  We’ll see.

khmer warrior taco