No Bahs, No Humbugs


As i mentioned recently, I have decided to make peace with Christmas decorations.  Afterall, no matter how I spit and fume, they are not going anywhere, they are (sort of ) attractive, and all too soon tax season will be upon us; save your venom for then.

In that vein, I decided to photograph the prim and terribly quiet neighborhood I live next to (their home owners association will not accept our street.  How mortifying.) and which I drive through to the grocery store.  When I say they are prim and quiet to the point of being prissy, I mean that for the balance of the year.  Come Yuletide, these motherfucker start slinging gaudy, vulgar decorations around like a dock whore on a crack vacation.

My apologies for the crappy  quality of the photos, it’s the best my phone can do at night on the way home from the grocery with me just leaning out of the window.


The classic California Xmas: a palm tree wrapped in lights.


Or just some random bush


I am actually old enough to remember when they introduced simple white lights as an alternative to all the cheery colorful madness.  They seemed SO minimalistic and tasteful.  Now  I think they’re just dull.  Step it up bitches or step off.


The “Why Bother?”


And the grand finale, “The Blockbuster.”  I only regret I couldn’t capture the tinkling carole music that I assume grinds aloong nonstop and which, were I their neighbor, would drive me to attck it with a pick axe.

Please note, none of these trashy hoes are on MY street.  I look out my window and all I can see are those awful compact fluorescent lightbulbs lighting front porches waaiting for UPS men to draw near.

So anyway, joyeux Noel, bitches.  My plan for christmas? Extra oxycodone and consciousness only when Saki absolutely demands it for me to feed him.

My security guard will be enforcing this.


11 responses »

  1. I agree. Either do lights tasteful or don’t do them. The palm tree is killing me. Enjoyed your comment. After decking the store and several homes, I can barely muster enough energy to do my own. It’s either decorate the house, or have sex with the lad. So I multi task. Have a Merry Christmas Peenee!


    • Darling, thank you so much and backacha. You don’t fool me, I have seen the magic you come up with in your home. “…or have sex…” like there’s a chance of skimping on that Christmas goose.


  2. Obviously none of your neighbors are gay. A lot of half ass attempts at light stringing.

    Onwards to the New Years and the taxes as you mentioned. Did I just pay those?

    Do have a blissed out drug induced holiday.


  3. I just love driving around the streets sneering at people’s illuminations, especially the ones on the council estates, I think that why I’m drawn to pic 2’s display.

    I Hope you have a good one!


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