So Saki has the tiniest little substance abuse, or just substance great fondness.  Cat nip, of course.  The heartbreak of so many happy homes.  I keep most of his toys in a charming wicker basket in the living room.  Every other Monday, the cleaning ladies gather up all the toys that have escaped and put them back in the toy box;  I expect this is accompanied by a disapproving sniff.  I’m only surprise they don’t drop in a pamphlet about Jesus is The Light.

Recently I brought one of the catnip snakes up to my room so when those rare moments of consciousness pass by I can play with Saki, poor little neglected waif.  Now in the wee-est of hours, I will hear, somewhere out in the dark, Saki licking and sucking and grunting and making Nip Love to the Nip Snake.


Speaking of the Nip Snake

I have my own substance problems.  Using them isn’t the problem; laying hands on them is.  Last summer, my pain doctor started on a quest to find something to replace vicodin in my daily life.  He emphasized it was because along with vicodin comes ibuprofin or aceteminfin. neither of which are good for your liver.  This has nothing to do with Congress’s sudden feverish attack on opioids.  Oh no.  Thus began the Summer of Annoying Drugs.  Some made me sick, some made me crazy (literally.  The Children and Super Agent Fred developed this worried look about me) and then I found Opana.  I’ve spoken about this before; just as I got used to it working really well and being a great help, the FDA pressured its manufacturer into removing it from the market.

The press pointedly said the drug they were removing was Opnana Extended Release.  I was taking Opana Immediate Release.   Patience is not one of my many virtues.  I asked both doctor and pharmacist if that made a difference.  Nope.  It’s gone.  And so I wound up on Oxycodone, which I have long resisted since it is so trailer park trashy and you know what a Lady I am, especially about those things I put in my body.  Which is a temple.  And possibly a bowling alley.

Then yesterday at my monthly doctor visit, the good doctor said “You know, I’ve been thinking, the only thing the reports said they were removing was Opana ER, so I started wondering if maybe Opana IR is still out there, so I checked and it is.  Why don’t we get you back on that?”

Thank god for years of government work which has left me immune to fatheads.  I did not shriek about how that’s what I said in October.  I simply agreed, oh what a clever idea, aren’t you a good boy.


Who’s a good boy?

So now I’m back on Opana.  My back and I are so very glad.  Of course, it comes in big ass pills, that I cut in half and then take every three hours, so I’m pretty much on a steady, higher plane.  OK with me.

And Saki is all nipped up, so everybody is happy.  Until our next crisis.

13 responses »

    • I’ll have you know I have just as much control over my gag reflex as you do, which is absolute. The problem is the big ass pills every 6 hours wear off too soon. Half every 3 seems just to work better. It’s all in the fine tuning. Like manuvering big things down ones throat.


  1. Glad to hear you’re back on something that works well for you. You’re a Saint for putting up with gov’t stupidity.

    Now I’m imagining you and your cat vegging out in a hookah lounge with Pink Floyd playing in the background, colorful lava lamps glowing, and incense wafting through the air.


  2. Of course your body is a temple. And a bowling alley. This explains the odd scent combining stale beer, incense, Lysol, and cheap nachos. We all thought it was that weird after shave your secret Santa gave you….


  3. I find myself surprised that the descriptor “fathead” isn’t used more considering the amount of imbeciles that are flourishing in this day and age. Thank you for the reminder – I’m sure I’ll be able to use it at least once a day at work. More, if I can bring myself to watch the news…

    Have fun up there on Opana Airlines flight 69 – your flight crew look very capable!


  4. Huzzah for your getting off the trashy drugs and back on the ones more fitting with your place in society! Also, I miss you; shoot a sister an email occasionally.


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