For Sale

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I assume this is true both philosophically true as well as applying to the massive buttocks pictured below.

Yes, I am selling my house and moving to a smaller place down in the world famous gay neighborhood, the Castro.  Why?  I love my house here, being located in this canyon means it is amazingly quiet and peaceful for being in the very center of San Francisco, but I need the money.  Apparently, since R Man and I bought it 21 years ago, it has become worth a buttload of money.  That is a real estate technical term.  If I were to access that buttload, I would return to my previous status of Wealthy Widow.  I’m not wild about being a widow, but if you have to be one, wealthy is definitely the way to go.
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First, some muscle pussy, cause this is a really long post and you need something to get you through it.

I met with a couple of realtors, the first was Ruth, whom I kept calling Julie and who turned out to be a Mean Girl.  She has been dismissed from our lives.  Let us speak of her no more.  The second, Wendy, was much more to my liking, a lesbian of a certain age, who was much more complimentary to my house and decorating (tip to realtors wooing potential clients: do not diss a gay man’s decor) but the selling point was the first thing.  She came in, we walked up to the dining room so I could show her the garden before it got dark and she said “What a beautiful ceanothus.”  Sold.  The ceanothus is this big shrub right in the middle of my garden that this time of year is covered in purple flowers.  I think this particular one is the best I’ve ever seen, it is my pride and joy, and she knew what it was.  We had a long very interesting talk, without her realizing she had already won.
So, she’s with Sotheby’s.  Oh my dear, oh yes.  They’re going to produce a booklet about the house, the samples of which she showed me were the most expensive looking printed material I’ve ever seen outside of a good book store.  And a VIDEO.  Not just a video, but one shot with a drone for aerial views.  I am not making this up.  When it’s online I’ll post the link.
The plan both proposed was for a stager to redo the house.  Wendy was much more delicate about urging it, but apparently when asking for the buttload of money I want, staging is a must.  I had already known I would have to repaint.  My stairwell and upstairs hall are painted black.  Counting on someone to dig the black hall seemed like a long shot.  How many Goth kids are in the real estate market these days?  So the stagers will handle all the painting and repairing a barely functional shower that has been the bane of Diane von Austinburg’s visits for years.  They will use their own furniture, thus I’m moving before I sell the place.  Life is so complicated.
The big problem, as usual, is Saki.  I have to get him and the eau de kitty out.  So we’re going to move out, rent some place for the time it takes to fix up the house, show it, sell it and then find a new one to buy.  Did I mention that point?  I’m buying a small place down in the Castro, hopefully for a great deal less than what I sell this one for.   I am actually OK with the moving out part, I do not want to be dodging the realtor showing the house and it is the only way to get rid of the cat smell.
Once I  resigned myself to selling the house, the first thing I thought of was holding an estate sale.  Imagine the thrill of not just going to one but being the ruler of it. I have invited Diane von Austinburg to act as co-ruler, I’d love it.  She is considering it.  Think of the thrill of watching people fight over the crap she and I have dragged back from various thrifting adventures over the years.  I cannot wait.  And I am serious about unloading.  Everything must go.  I’m keeping my bed, and few other bits and pieces, but aside from that, it is all on.  Make me an offer for the cat and I will consider it.
Last night I was organizing my vast porn collection to give away and wound up with the floor of my bedroom covered in stacks of magazines (I had decided to organize them by titles.  I now have no idea why)  It was exhausting, and as I dragged my poor aching carcass to bed, I thought “I’m going to trip over this in the dark on a pee run.”  I was too tired to care and a few hours later, sure enough, coming back in, tripped and went down like the Titanic.  Fortunately, I already had an appointment with my chiropractor and he helped, but I am still sore.  Why is life so hard?
Here’s one last look at Chez Moi:
living rm

My living room

rug

My favorite rug,  The center is a lantern hanging from a branch protruding from a cliff.  Love.

dm bureau

A tiny little Danish modern bureau which

vanity

ta-dah, converts to a vanity when you flip up the top.

my room

My room, where absolutely no magic happens.  That red lump on the cedar chest is Saki napping in one of his many, many beds scattered around the place.

saki sleep

When the relator I like showed up, the first thing I said was “I blame everything on the cat.”

smut better

And finally, my late, great smut collection, now handed off to some weird guy from Oakland who repeatedly announced he had OCD.  Whatever.  Adieu, my paper dolls. God love you and thank you for the countless hours (cumulatively) you have given me.

30 responses »

  1. I have always enjoyed your home and I was never even in it, and I must say if I was out there Id make more then a couple offers. I enjoy your taste. I never understood “Staging” I appreiticate your style and the beauty of the house…..but alas, I know lots of people can’t see beauty in a house unless it looks like a “pottery barn” cookie cutter.

    Let’s just hope the new joint comes with that lovely butt load above! And hopes for a painless move dear.

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  2. Another chapter for your autobiography: “Felled by porn”?

    I thought Sotheby’s only dealt with the disposal of property “from the estate of Elizabeth Taylor” or “the estate of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis”? You have joined the glitterati, dear…

    Good luck with the move. I’m placing a bid on the netsuke stand. Jx

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    • As I fell, I thought “This is how I’ll die, surrounded by a sea of smut”

      As for Sotheby’s, all I can say is “At last.”

      Good eye for the netsuke shelf, but she’s coming with me.

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  3. Like Mistress Borghese, I just don’t get staging. I personally like to see the space, not furniture and accessories placed “just so.” Best wishes for a quick and lucrative sale!

    PS: The bluebonnets started to bloom this week.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know. When R Man and I first saw this place, it was frumpy, ugly, and not particularly clean, but what we saw was what we could do with it. Apparently, that is just not how most people think.

      Oh, I do hope they hold out till I get there the first week in April. In the middle of selling my house.

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  4. Have you looked at what is available in the area you want to move to and what it costs? Also are you thinking condo with no steps to deal with in the future should they become a problem.

    I hate moving. We’ve been in our house for 20 years this year. The husband is in major declining health. I have started to get rid of stuff. It’s a slow process. I had a dealer come through and pick out things she wanted for cash. Lots still remains.

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    • Honey, I’m so sorry to hear about your husband, I’ve been there.

      And yes I know the Castro really well, it’s very close. Finding a place with no steps in San Francisco is not easy, because of the steep terrain.

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  5. I’m not sure where my tongue is more likely to get stuck, on anything metal outside, or between those buttocks.

    The last picture reminds me of standing in front of the magazine rack at LIttle Sister’s Book and Art Emporium in Vancouver, although the displays there pale before the shop I visited in San Francisco (I think it was on Polk Street).

    Best wishes for all your changes, mrpeenee (and Saki).

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    • I believe the store you’re remembering was indeed on Polk Street (for a long while) and was called, simply, the Magazine. Plenty of the material here came from there.

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  6. You know I’ll be there if humanly possible. Because I have shopping to do; a wee bit of my home-away-from-home needs to come to my actual home. Oh, and I want to help. Of course. Yeah, that’s it.

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    • Oh yeah, that’s it. I saw the realtor again yesterday and there is very much an air of “let’s get this motherfuckin show on the road” so the sale is ging to be soon, possibly very soon.

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  7. We find ourselves in similar situations. I’m surrounded by gentrification and my house is worth 4 times what I paid for it. It’s like living in a chateau in the middle of Paris with traffic and congestion and people and people and homeless people, etc. I’m gonna rent it out to a podiatrist or a yoga studio and keep the bitch as a cash cow and move to a ranch with a pool.

    Love your home and have for years especially the powder room with the aluminum wares on the wall…too die for…anyway…I’ve seen your flip in New Orleans and know what you can do. Unburden yourself and find a new space to create.

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    • Thank you, you’re right, this is unburdening. I had a really great run with this place (20 years!) now it’s somebody else’s turn.

      Good luck with the ranch. I’m thinking combo pool/cowboy.

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  8. Oh, my dear. At last the die is cast. Bravo. I only wish I were heading out that way to be of whatever little use one can be.

    As for us, I’m increasingly inclined to leave this apartment with two suitcases and a box of books – I feel oddly done with stuff, and just getting in the mail a notice that they’ve hiked the charges for the nearly two tons (!) we still have in storage isn’t helping any.

    We do look forward to the chronicle of this major shift – as dramatic, in its way, as the great pilgrimage from Riseholme to Tilling…

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  9. i so want that bureau in the living room and that rug/carpet in your bedroom. I’m quite prepared to set myself up as a charitable organisation looking for donations. Kind of odd about the guy buying your stash of porn as I imagine all the pages are stuck together. Good luck with the move. Be happy in your new place. RobertK.

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  10. I’ll be sad to see it go and miss all the gardening adventures. Hope the new place has some space for a new plant or two. And I’m sure Saki will be fine once the new places smell like him. Best of luck!!

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  11. How exciting/anxiety inducing! A fresh start with very little clutter. You have so many lovely things, but I’m sure your new place will be decorated with style in no time, and you’ll have the thrill of finding new objets with which to furnish your new abode.

    P.S. The stack of porn? “Thrust!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I do like your lamp in the living room, the white one in the foreground and I’ll give anything for a rummage through your drawers. A move will do you the world of good, my mother downsized 3 years ago and she’s never looked back, not only is she a wealthy widow she’s a merry one to boot and on the lookout for husband number 4! You can always take cuttings from the ceanothus or better still dig it up and take it with you.

    Why do people with OCD feel the need to brag about it like it’s something to be proud of, a status symbol 20 odd years ago they would have been put in the loony bin.

    All the best and I can’t wait to see the video.

    Just out of personal interest did lesbian Wendy have any sporting injuries ie was she wearing a neck brace, knee/wrist support etc?

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  13. Can’t wait to see the website and video! If you do have a sale, name the date and time (and address) and I will be there. I envy your willingness (and ability) to downsize. I desperately need to do the same…tired of all my crap and so tired of paying for a storage unit – time is what I don’t seem to have.

    Like

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