Look. I got new shoes. This is no small deal for me since I pretty much only own one pair of shoes at a time. My sainted mother had very peculiar ideas about money, mostly that you didn’t spend any. Ever. When it came to shoes, we were lucky we didn’t walk around with leaves tied to our feet instead. So she passed down to me the conviction that one pair at a time was just how you possessed shoes.

A few years ago, I decided to overcome this block and I bought two pairs of shoes, like some kind of crazy wild man. I put one pair in the closet, promptly forgot about them, and wore the other pair until they were ragged. So, new shoes, woohoo.

I’ve always sported the exact same uniform I switched to when I escaped diapers: t-shirts, jeans, and tennis shoes, which I refer to as “tenny shoes.” People who call them “sneaks” are weaklings; I can’t decide whether to feel pity or contempt for them. I know some gay men revel in choosing their costume. I am not one of them. My ideal outfit is one I can put on without thinking about it.

My tenny shoe of choice has been Converse for decades. Not because I think they are fashionable (The idea that I have any style consciousness is pretty hilarious,) but because they are the exact same shape as my feet. On the rare occasion I buy new ones, I don’t have to break them in. I slip into them and boom, they immediately fit perfectly.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

O my golly gosh, NAKED MEN:

Whenever I see a group shot like this, I immediately play a version of Fuck, Marry, Kill, except mine is all just Fuck, but in which order? In this case, I’d start with second from the right and then just proceed in alphabetical order.

Just love them pretty blondes.


When I was a teenager, I used to have such crushes on boys like this.

If this isn’t one of your favorite POVs, what is wrong with you?

The always charming Chris Rockway.

About mrpeenee

A former bon vivant and terror of a number of New Orleans bars in the mad, gay 1980s, I'm now quietly retired and widowed in San Francisco. I have a crooked nose due to an unfortunate Frisbee accident.

14 responses »

  1. You are prohibited from ever telling the Spankster that anything as absurd as “one pair of shoes” even exists in our DNA!


  2. OMG – I’m the same with Converse, though I also own Vans, and have possibly 100s of pairs of shoes. My mum also believed in one pair at a time and when I left home I rebelled against her concept – I think it was a Seventies thing, and having no money was also an issue.


  3. I’m not a “single pair of shoes” type of queen, but in general I do tend to wear plimsolls/tennis shoes out of preference. If I ever do get a “label” pair, however, they’re generally from TK Maxx rather than full price from a shoe shop… Jx

    PS with all that meat, you are spoiling us. Again.


      • I had to look that one up, and yes, it’s a New Orleans concoction with gin, orange and blue Curaçao. I might have to try one! Jx

        PS In Wales, we used to call plimsolls “daps”. I doubt there’s a cocktail with that name.


  4. For the past 18 months I have worn nothing but a cheap pair of XTI Oxford flats in olive green. I bought them from a shoe shop in Benidorm, I’ve worn them ragged, even my lowly maid of all work Carmen, has looked down upon my choice of footwear with pity.

    Pic 4 and the last one, you would need a shoe horn to fit them in.


  5. Ooh, I like the colour. And the flash of polka-dotted sock!
    I only wear tennis shoes, too – and, like you, bought two pairs the last time I needed shoes (I’ve recently thrown the first worn out and falling apart pair away and started on the second pair that I almost forgot were languishing in my wardrobe). I did have some Converse a decade or so ago, but moved on to *much* cheaper Dunlops and Soul-Cals.

    Oh, and while I’m here, I’ll take the freckly back (I love freckles!) below the blond, please.


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