In Which We Go to the Movies

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Fans and friends of Mikey (aka Pussy Pants Bitch Boy) a few years ago formed the Chaturbate Sunday Night Movie Society so that we could all watch films online together the better to critique and bitch about them via text. It’s been very amusing, even the dogs, and there have been some real canines that we’ve been stuck with, but also some really great movies I wouldn’t have otherwise seen.

One of the things I’ve been struck by is something that might be called the new A list buddy movie. These are projects that pair a couple of important male movie stars that bicker and spar much like Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant in classic screwball comedies, the difference being the Hepburn/Grant pairing resulted in cinema jewels while these new buddy movies are almost universally crap.

A partial list:

Tom Holland and Mark Wahlberg in Uncharted

Dwayne Johnson and Ryan Reynolds in Red Notice

Ryan Gosling and Chris Evans in The Gray Man

Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L Jackson in The Hitman’s Bodyguard

Channing Tatum, Brad Pitt, and Daniel Radcliffe (a rare three-way) in The Lost City

Charlie Hunnam and Mel Gibson in Last Looks

And those are just the ones off the top of my head; I feel like there’s other contenders for this list but it’s possible my mind just erased them in order to deal with cinematic PTSD.

All of these also have some nominal female lead, but in general she is so secondary to the action and focus she might as well be CGI. Of course there have always been buddy movies, but these seem to have upped the ante when it comes to the casts with both leads being much more major stars.

What’s sad about almost all of these is what dreadful movies they are. Really talented actors, enormous special effects budgets, fabulous locations: none of it can overcome the gibberish of a storyline that is more hole than plot and actors who are so obviously bored with their roles they might as well have been playing Candy Crush during the filming.

I suppose the idea of casting a pair such bankable leads was probably generated by the studios algorithms, certainly the scripts seem to have been written by some other algorithm and not a very good one at that. In some ways it’s infuriating to see so much money wasted. We’ve enjoyed much more several small movies whose total budgets probably wouldn’t have covered the coffee tab for these behemoth flops.

Men I’d like to be buddies with:

Choke that chicken

Maybe it’s PhotoShop, maybe it’s Maybelline.

No wonder my phone bill is so high.

Beefy

Next to godliness.

A cowboy for Amber.

Goodness me.

I refuse to make some stupid “Batter up….” joke.

About mrpeenee

A former bon vivant and terror of a number of New Orleans bars in the mad, gay 1980s, I'm now quietly retired and widowed in San Francisco. I have a crooked nose due to an unfortunate Frisbee accident.

8 responses »

  1. My…the boy with the towel in front of him. Those are some buttchops to get lost in for a few hours. And don’t bother leaving a trail of breadcrumbs. Ill surface eventually

    Movies? The last flick I saw in the theater was Call Me By Your Name. Films just aren’t what they used to. It’s so rare to get a gem these days Give me old TCM any day.

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  2. I’m not sure which I want more: the preppy in the penny loafers or the typewriter sitting next to him. Both have a certain nostalgic charm.

    The granddaddy of all those A-list buddy movies you mention might be The Towering Inferno. McQueen and Newman did well as the “buddies.” The rest of the performances ranged from highly caffeinated to heavily sedated. And to think, most of these people were A-list or B-list actors at the time!

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