In Which We Decorate Then Undecorate


In less than 2 weeks I will have lived in this apartment 5 years. In that time, the furniture in my living room has sat in the exact same place I put it the day I moved in. I’m one of those homosexuals who regard decorating as a participatory sport and so of course this sorry state of affairs could be tolerated no longer.

The problem is that I am just one old man, and a feeble old man at that so hauling a couch and a sizable credenza around by myself was a laughable idea. Hahaha. I laughed and then I hired a couple of movers to come in and help me move stuff. They were a nice couple of guys, amenable even if they seemed baffled by my idea of just shuffling the pieces around.

Let me introduce the players here, a large curved couch, a sleek credenza, and a stylish pair of low chairs. The room is in the point of the flat iron building I live in, which makes for an interesting but difficult triangular room to work with. Plus the great big windows help hide the fact that it’s a tiny space.

There is a large dead space between the couch and the chairs and I thought if I could just rotate the pieces so that the dead space fell in the entrance, the whole room would work better. I don’t know why that idea didn’t work out, probably something to do with geometry or physics or another one of those stupid subjects I never paid attention to.

Anyway, the boys and I wrestled all the furniture around and around and none of it was successful. One of the drawbacks was the lead mover overcame his initial skepticism to join in enthusiastically with suggestions. They were all idiotic, but they were suggestions. He seemed particularly struck by the apex of the triangle and kept struggling to shove something up in there.

Eventually I just threw in the towel and had them put all the furniture right back where it started and then paid them $200 for having helped me, as the b-52s put it, “dance this mess around.”

boys I wish I had had move me:

Look, he comes with his own scrim.

The luscious Marbys Negretti

Our old friend Mikey!

I only recently discovered this is the large and in charge blonde beauty, David Cihacek

Beefy redhead Ryan Hayward from Colt Studios.

All that and he can read, too.

What a sweet looking guy.

You know getting sloppy wet at the car wash is a long time smut classic.

His dick almost leaks out of the frame.

Fancy don’t let me down./

Get your feet off the ceiling./

What’s with the ceiling lately?

14 responses »

  1. Yep, that is a tricky space to arrange furniture. I also have a tricky living room – but nothing as complicated as yours. I’ve thought about having furniture specifically designed, but that’s an expensive route to go down – though not as expensive as having the chimney breast shifted 30cm to the right! I’ve decided to live with it for now.


  2. It looks fine the way it is.

    If you want to pursue this more there are online designer who will offer suggestions cheap. The video was from some kid in Scotland I watch. He has a tiny house he wanted ideas as to what to do with it.

    Or you could go lay down the next time you think something needs to be done. Think about it tomorrow.


    • I don’t recognize the decorators, but I’ve watched the redhead’s channel a few times. He has a charming house already. But I am intrigued with the idea of paying strangers to redesign . I am also intrigued by your “just lay down” suggestion. That’s really up my street.


  3. The apex of the triangle that is your living room needs something like a totem pole, or maybe a cat tree. However, I know what I’d like to shove up in that lead mover!


  4. Five years already? Blimey! You have a lovely home, but I have no idea what you can do differently with it. Perhaps $200 a month to pay for young mens to lug your furniture around is enough? Next time though, make sure you turn the heating up before they arrive in order to facilitate the removal of items of clothing…

    P.S. Did that picture to the left of your clock get straightened after they left?


    • Arrgh, that picture! The picture is actually straight, it’s the fucking clock that’s crooked, but the clock is so heavy and difficult to straighten, just this afternoon, I wound up lining the picture up with it so they are both equally crooked, if that makes any sense.


  5. Here’s where having me over for coffee would have paid off. I don’t toot my horn, ever, but arranging a room was always my strength. I wasn’t as great when it came to an empty room though, which hurt when it came to the commissions.

    Stellar penises!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s